Big Fucking Hennepin

It’s getting to be the time of year when various cycling publications, web-based entities, and opinionated pundits are holed up in undiscolosed locations plotting to dole out multitudes of awards to PRO cyclists whose stellar achievements on the bike warrant recognition. Sure, the Paolo Bettinis, the Fabian Cancellaras, the Alberto Contadors will undoubtedly get their due, but there’s always room for one more award. Added to the pantheon of VeloNews’ “EuroPRO of the Year Who Didn’t Lie About His pre-Tour Whereabouts”, Cycle Sport’s “If It Isn’t Scottish It’s Crap All-David-Millar-All-the-Time Lovefest”, High Times “Downhiller of the Year”, Wired’s “Most GBs of Memory Filled-Up With SRM Data”, venerable non-cycling honors like the Oscar, the MTV Moon Man, the Clio, the Emmy, is the new kid in town: my first annual Big FucKing Hennepin, hereby bequeathed in 2007 to Adam Craig.

Firstly, let’s hear it for employees of beer-selling establishments equipped with Sharpies and a sense of humor. It only makes sense that uber-sized beer goblets deserve equally proportioned beer vessels. Hence the recent appearance of a Big FucKing Hennepin gracing the shelves of Sam’s Blue Light.

So…why Adam Craig?
1. This photo, along with some prose by esteemed scribe Mike Ferrentino:

You have to love a man, who is arguably the fastest XC racer in the U.S., showing up at a drunken singlespeed race in the north of Scotland, a week before the World Championships, wearing a mullet and a mustache that he grew just for the event to go along with the specially chosen Daisy Duke shorts, denim vest and pantyhose that he was racing in. That’s admirable.

Even more admirable is the way that he rode the race—hollering out rebel yells and maniacal laughs, passing politely, stopping to chat, taking beer hand-ups, wrecking hard on fire roads after taking said hand-ups, and still winning with a crushing margin. Topping it off, he took a tattoo to soft part of his ass that is bigger than most man-hands, less than 48 hours before he was scheduled to race the team relay at the “real” world championships.

2. Nat Ross chimes in regarding the 2007 ‘Cross Vegas:

10. Who is the baddest motherfucker on the planet?
-Right now I would have to say Adam Craig. He won 43 dollars in one hour while wearing a skinsuit. Not bad for the single speed champion of the world. But can he count? I don’t know if I see 43 dollars in the pic. Where was the rest stuffed? That’s what I thought, sock or not Adam is still the man. He even has a silly tattoo to prove it.

3. He hasn’t mastered the art of clipping in to the pedals at the start of ‘cross races, and he thinks it’s funny:

I did my trademark pedal slip at the start. I told the guy behind me he was screwed, and he was. This is how I like to start the Gran Prix season off: a terrible start, riding through, entertaining people, and getting the most aggressive rider for the day so I can buy my mechanic dinner.

4. Adam Craig don’t need no Foo-Foo pit bikes and Dugast tubulars. Check out the accumulation of ice acquired while scorching the NC locals at a wintry ‘cross race in 2003 while preparing for a trip to Monopoli, Italy for the world championships. Also note the bloody ankle, where Craig ate it pretty hard while trying to bunny-hop a series of barriers. I lined up against Adam that January, and I don’t think I’ve ever been lapped so quickly in my life. In fact, I think he got me twice. The man has a motor.

Comments (7) to “BFH”

  1. I was waiting for someone to shed some light on the true Adam Craig. Would Oscar qualify for an honorable mention at the BFH awards? Any other BFH honorable mentions? Please post regularly from Duval land if you can, you are my entertainment.

  2. I’ll be doing my best to make updates from the land of ‘cross and waffles. And totally unrelated to cycling….Alex Roy is one badass who could use a BFH.

  3. Two big thumbs up!

  4. I hate to make claims such as these, but Adam Craig’s first single speed ride was on my Bianchi BOSS, circa 1998 in Orono Maine. He was still racing for a junior developmental team, and since he lived close to Orono, where I was stationed and a bunch of my other knuckleheaded friends, he used to come over and ride with us, and stomp us into the ground when he was, oh, 15 or so. Anyway, I had just purchased my first singlespeed, and while my friends were laughing at me for getting it (they all got one later, and now that’s all most of them ride), I was having a blast re-learning how to mountain bike. Adam was with us one day, I had the singlespeed, he wanted to ride it. We traded bikes for a few miles, and he gave it back, smiling. I hate to take credit for such things, and I’m sure he would have ridden one without me, but mine was his first singlespeed ride.

  5. Good choice!

    I am pretty sure I remember getting lapped twice by some Adam Craig kid at hendersonville NC in a winters cup race in the snow and mud. Same race I suspect? That was a really good race. My recollection is that the course was super long for a cross course as well, making his double lapping impressive…

  6. I like to take ten, 10mg valiums every night at around 9:30. I usually wake up each morning at around 9:00 and as soon as I wake up I eat 2 norcos. Then I smoke about 6 ciggarettes and in about 2-1/2 hours, I smoke a bong-full of dank pot. really dank pot. then I get some work done and hop in the shower. as soon as I get out of the shower I eat another norco. then at work, about 3 hours later, i eat another norco. then at 9:30 or so I eat the 10 valiums, 10 1mg xanax or 5 2mg xanax. That’s how I get fucked up everyday, 24/7…

  7. I use to make meth. Never got caught either! ha ha. I used to shoot that shit up into my arms. I could taste it right afterwards in the back of my throat. sometimes I would use beer instead of water to shoot it with. I got the needles from a diabetes guy in a apartment above the crank-house I use to get fucked up in. Everyone else got busted except me. but anyways, after I shot it up, I’d smoke 2 big fat foils, with about 1/2 of a gram on each foil. I’d be so fucking tweaked! then I started mixing beer, oxycontin 80mg, and about a half-gram of crank into each spoon and shooting it. right afterwards, I’d smoke a foil…in fact, everyone at the table would smoke on the foil, we would also be smoking some crack rocks and snorting lines. the crank mixed with oxy use to make my head feel like it was creepy-crawly and my hair was itching. hard to desribe. i ended up pimping out 2 of my girlfriends just to make sure i kept shooting dope. i shot that shit for about 2 years. then EVERYONE i knew went to prison. and I started just eating norcos and valiums, now i dont shoot dope anymore. just work, eat norcos, valiums and xanax, and smoke alot of pot.

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