The Perks of Being a Card-Carrying Badass…

Evidently, winning a stage at a ProTour event, finishing 5th on GC in that same event, nearly winning a Tour de France stage, and nearly winning the USPRO championship on only several weeks of training gives one a license to do, well, whatever the hell one feels like on a bike. Such as racing back-to-back UCI ‘cross races sporting a downtube mounted water bottle and cage on your tricked-out, carbon Scott. Did anyone on the start line mock Mr. Horner? Did all the other pit denizens chastise Horner’s mechanic for allowing such a fashion faux pas to alight itself on Horner’s rig? Horner’s perma-smirk says it all: “Quick, everyone racing on a ProTour team next year raise your hand! Anyone?…anyone?…Just me?…Well alright then. Let’s fast forward 5 months. While you smug, parched bastards are trying to divvy up $80 and a box of GU five ways in an industrial park criterium parking lot, I’ll be living large in the Tour of Flanders.”

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