I’ve got a direct pipeline to Beelzebub, and it’s channelled to me through bicycle and car odometers. It never fails that I’ll be out on a ride, cruising for hours without checking my trip distance, and I’ll scroll over to that screen and see the Number of the Beast : 666. I actually stopped using a bicycle computer that had the daily trip distance out to 2 decimal places because it dramatically increased my chances at seeing the dreaded 666 (6.66, 16.66, 26.66, etc.) instead of with my current computer with a single decimal place (66.6, 166.6, etc.). Not only that, I’ve got some eery link to what I’ve dubbed “half of Satan”, the mysterious 333. Same thing, look down at the odometer and there it is…

Maybe it’s got something to do with my long solo road trips to bike races all up and down the East coast where frequently my only entertainment was listening to fire and brimstone preachers. I always got a kick about hearing that “Satan walks amongst us, manifested in Dungeons and Dragons and Ouija boards…” I’d get so amped up that I’d start delivering my own rambling pontifications on Satan out loud in my car. For hours and hours on end. Damn, I wish I taped those road trips. I was raving about how cycling changed my life and can change yours too. “Hear me people…hear what I’ve got to say…Get your fat ass off thy couch…Turn the keys off in your car…Get on a bike and RIDE, RIDE, RIDE!…If Jesus came back to us today he won’t be in a Hummer…No sirree…He’s gonna be on a Litespeed with SPD sandals…Spreadin’ the word, pedalling all over the world…” I should start my own Illuminati of the Pious Peloton, get a pirate FM station in my basement, and start preaching to my flock. Reverend Billy can do it, so can I…